Our daily patterns of living are changed. Our awareness of the need for systemic change heightened and fueled. Our core of safety and security may be feeling disheveled. And, I am invited to ask, what am I feeding? What are you feeding? 

Do we use language that is violent? Are we quick to react? Are thoughts fixated on dire outcomes? Do words tear down? Are mind and heart closed, allowing just enough in so preconceived ideas remain cemented? Do we take more than we need, not considering implications? What are we feeding? What choices, many times in each hour, are we making? 

These questions are important and deserve attention. The power of what we feed, the choices we make, are illustrated in the story of two wolves, paraphrased here:  

A grandmother was spending time with her young granddaughter and shared the story of two wolves that live within each of us. These two wolves are seemingly at odds, fighting internally.  One wolf represents envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and the false ego. The other represents joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion. 

‘These two wolves reside within each of us, dear granddaughter,’ she shared. 

The small granddaughter looked up at her beloved grandmother, and asked, ‘Which one wins?’

The grandmother smiled down with tenderness, and said, ‘You have a choice. Every day, many times throughout the day, you get to choose.  And the one you focus on, the one you feed, is the one who wins.’  (Mindfulness version here.)

Choosing primarily one wolf does not mean the other wolf does not have wisdom; it, too, is our teacher, part of the shadows that comprise our being. We cannot be light without knowing shadow. Seeing the shadows, allowing observation without turning away, is an invitation.

For years, my approach was to be strong, to not risk seeing the shadows that vulnerability reveals. I thought if I just pretended it was not there, ignored the wolf, shut it down, it would go away. Only it became larger as my spiritual journey required deeper examination. So I allow shadows I can see, to be seen. And to share just a few from a recent morning: 

• A first-time Food Bank volunteer shares that a mutual acquaintance asked for a picture. I respond with irritation – ‘really, after you’ve been there once and I’ve been going for weeks?’ 
• Two library books on my wait list for weeks become available. Despite being in the middle of another book, and multiple people wanting these now available books, I take them both. What am I so afraid of missing out on that I take what cannot be readily consumed? 
• A complaint to me about someone else. I jump to the ‘go directly to the person’ reaction. Why do I assume there is not an invitation to conversation, and shut the person down without engaging? 
• At the Food Bank, I choose a physically taxing job. This week the boxes are 150% heavier. The pace is fast, my wrist and shoulders feel it ½ way into the shift. Help is offered. I refuse. What is there to prove at the expense of honoring the messages my body is sending? Who was I proving this to? 

All this in just one morning. All this as I invite ‘vulnerabilities walking …to be this time, not a weakness, but a faculty for understanding.’ (David Whyte, The Severn Streams, modified) 

Inviting raw and radical vulnerability is never-ending and when a notice of perfection creeps in, feels like too much. More now than in the past, this is turned to ‘What an invitation is this journey I get to be on that there is more to learn and see and allow.’ I am both wolves, both shadow and light; and can invite both to be teachers.

A friend and I were sharing perspectives over a virtual ‘cup of tea’ including the way our country was created on slavery and historical context of how layer upon layer of legal and political and entertainment choices have led to this. Again, I come to which wolf is our country feeding? If we do not like the answer, take thoughtful action to impact change. Look at the shadows within to see these manifested in our system of laws, imprisonment, inequality, false or one-sided portrayal in the media. Educate about the system, the issues and possible solutions. Vote. Be willing to let the action come from within, for that will be sustainable over time. And keep inviting awareness of what you are feeding. I am trying to do this, and welcome your thoughts and sharing.